646f9e108c Irish Colonel Charlie McPhearson has just had his platoon of twenty-eight slaughtered by German troops. Angered at his superiors for this suicide mission, he takes convicts on his next, along with fornicating American explosives technician Major Burke, to defuse underwater mines so that a commando squado can prepare for a June 10 invasion to destroy a tank gun. Because Colonel Ackerman, whose troops killed his last platoon, is the leader of the platoon in charge of the gun, McPhearson insists on trying to complete the commandos' mission.
As muchI love Italian cinema I'm not much for these sixties war films - every single one of them is a rip-off of The Dirty Dozen, but when I spotted Aldo Sambrell wearing a turban my index finger jabbed the record button on the remote so hard I'm sure I broke a bone.<br/><br/>As wellan Italian imitating an Indian, we have Jack Palance sporting some sort of Scottish accent (it's says on the IMDb that it's Irish? That's even worse) and some terrible miniature effects, but the usual story of a bunch of Allied misfits sent behind enemy lines to do something or other is so dreary it still manages to end up being a boring experience.<br/><br/>Jack is Colonel Haggis McKiltguy, raging in a really bad way about his last mission, where his entire platoon got wasted. He's all out to give up on all this army business, until he learns that his opposite number in the mission is the German guy in command of that last mission, Major Bratwurst Von Laderhosen. He signs up for the mission pretty shortly after that! However, he needs a new platoon - how about that bunch of jerks acting like jerks in the jerk squad. You know, all them criminals? That doesn't sound like the Dirty Dozen at all! <br/><br/>So Jack and his bunch of Italian and German actors pretending to be British (except the guy pretending to be Indian) head of to Normandy to do some stuff that'll help the D-Day invasion. You've also got a sub plot about the German guy not being so bad, trying to warn his command about the invasion and going head-to-head with the SS, but who cares? It's the usual barrage of sneaking, knifing, wearing the enemie's uniforms, possible double crossing (hinted at then forgotten), paper thin romance, and confrontation that you get in these films. <br/><br/>There were some laughs to be had from the miniature work at the end (I rewound to see that tiny dummy flying out of the train carriage) and was tickled pinkthe last scene seemed to show Jack throwing his gun away and giving up the life of a soldier, then seemingly remembering that he can't actually leave the army that way and picking his gun up again.<br/><br/>I'm sick of these Umberto Lenzi films! Give me an Umberto Lenzi film!
If you like low-budget Italian movies or war films, then this will be a real treat, even though it is probably one of the worst films I've ever seen – regardless of genre. This is unfortunate, because director Lenzi's first war effort, Desert Commando, showed marvelous potential.<br/><br/>The story focuses on a band of British ex-cons, who are recruited by Scottish Colonel MacPherson (Jack Palance) to clear a path for British commandos through a minefield off the Normandy coast on the night of June 4th, 1944. When the commando force is ambushed by a German PT Boat, MacPherson becomes obsessed with taking on their mission: destroy a huge railroad gun which threatens the imminent Allied landings, which happens to be commanded by his nemesis, Colonel Ackerman (Wolfgang Preiss), much to the dismay of his men.<br/><br/>Lenzi's second war film is, for all intents and purposes, a combination of three classic war movies: the indestructible artillery and impossible mission theme of The Guns of Navarone; the rivalry between Allied and Axis extremists, not to mention the central steam engine of The Train; and the now-familiar anti-hero characters of The Dirty Dozen. This is a fast-paced movie about a bunch of guys on the run, racing against the clock to complete their mission. The characters are never really fleshed out, but for a low-budget action film, they've got more dimensionality than we've come to expect.<br/><br/>Palance never makes a very convincing leader. At his best, he tries to be human, but always returns to being a tough bully. He's got a mission and will stop at nothing to accomplish it, even though it means the death of just about everyone under his command. On one hand, he has a responsibility to save Allied lives by destroying the railroad gun, but his real goal is always, clearly, personal prejudice, and it's not admirable.<br/><br/>What's more admirable are the attitudes of his men: Guido Lollobrigida (Commando Attack) is one of the ex-cons, who realizes the error of his ways and is now willing to fight because his duty is to his country. Helmut Schneider is excellent in a very under-developed part of a humanitarian, who can't agree with MacPherson but goes along because he's a concentration camp survivor and wants vengeance. Thomas Hunter is fun to watchan American captain who got conned into the mission because of his specialty in demolitions. At first, he's a coward who wants to be back at a desk job chasing girls, but proves his courage under fire more than once. Roberto Undari and Bruno Corazzari are the rebels of the group, who are constantly bickering with MacPherson, but always stick with him because they know he is their only chance for surviving behind enemy territory. That's where the depth hits rock bottom. Every time men threaten to abandon the mission, MacPherson simply yells and threatens to shoot them, and the discussion is over. There's not much moral drama to be explored, and once the point is made, it's dropped and Lenzi moves on to more important things.<br/><br/>Don't let me mislead you – this is an action movie and is not meant to be anything more, but substance and character are necessary to make the action have an impact. On the action level alone, Lenzi fails miserably – though notbadlyhe would years later in the infamous "Bridge to Hell". Working with a low budget this time around, Lenzi and his production crew obviously couldn't afford much in the way of pyrotechnics or extras, anddirector, Lenzi tries to cover this up – and doesn't do a very good job. The many combat scenes consist of skirmishes between small bands of men, a dozen or so at the most, and consist mainly of quick zoom-ins, frequent cutting and rapid shift of focus. This is often confusing and dizzying, and makes the action move far too quickly. It's too much information thrown out too fast, and looks pretty pathetic on top of that.<br/><br/>The limits of the budget are also obvious in the sets. There are not many interiors, and when we do go inside a house or German office building, they're shabbily furnished. Lenzi keeps his focus on the actors so that you don't notice right away that their surroundings don't look too convincing. Many exteriors - particularly near the end of the picture – are set in southern France, but were obviously shot in Spain. Instead of forests or lush fields, we see desolate sand mounds and bare, rocky hills all over the place. As farcostumes and props go, Lenzi also fails to make his movie look authentic. Most of the Germans wear uniforms of artillery troops, often with ill-fitting jackets or helmets. They are armed primarily with Beretta submachine guns, a weapon developed by the Italians. Finally, miniature work is below-par, too, but fortunately this flaw is limited to a single shot during the climax.<br/><br/>On the plus side, Armando Travajoli provides an energetic score which adds to the tension and fast pace. This film is always moving, and there is never a wasted moment: every action, every line, every glance contributes to the story. That is the glue holding this mess together. Lenzi does manage to execute the finale quite well, too. The German train yard looks quite bustling and official, and the battle between the Allied commandos and German soldiers on the train is tense and nail-biting. It's a pity that Lenzi has to ruin this victorious spirit by throwing in a muddled anti-war statement for the film's conclusion.<br/><br/>This is a satisfying action yarn, but offers little besides some enjoyable, pulpy 90 minutes of pure adventure. Despite poor execution, the familiar supporting cast of Italian and German character-actors offers some good turns and provide enough energy to keep the film moving through the final scenes.


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